If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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