Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
