It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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