Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
