Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
