I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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