Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
