Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
