i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My ass is underappreciated
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize