yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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