I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
