Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize