Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
No subtext here. People are naked.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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