Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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