Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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