that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
