Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
