I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
