I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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