OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
