I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
