PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
