I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
