Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize