hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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