She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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