Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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