I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
