hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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