Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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