She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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