nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
