I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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