He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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