you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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