He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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