I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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