Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
