Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
