so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
