just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
