We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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