There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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