So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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