no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
