Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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