Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize