my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
