i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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