First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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