take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
