beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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