My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
