Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
