Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize