So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
