I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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