you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
