It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
