I CAN MOONWALK!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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