yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
they're like a gay fantastic four
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
