are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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