Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
