Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
