So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
