Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
