Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he puts the penis in happiness.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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