i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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